I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
