I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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