They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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