I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
