my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
