I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
