just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
