took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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