I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
