We're facebook friends in real life
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
did i just pee glitter
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
