instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
