Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
