There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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