dude i'm inner monologue high
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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