your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
