I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
