I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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