If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
