OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
