i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
