I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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