I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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