and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
