Pappa wants mamma naked
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
