Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
