the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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