Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
only you would photoshop your dick
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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