Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
