Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
