I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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