so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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