I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
