THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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