In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
