I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
