we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
