I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
