it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
