His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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