just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
