Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
