how can u be prego again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
