Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
