I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
