I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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