I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
