I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
