after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
