We're facebook friends in real life
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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