Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
